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October 12, 2011
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Sharing some good advice

Wed Oct 12, 2011, 5:25 AM
I received some very good advice from a friend last night, and I wanted to share it, as I'm sure some of you will find use in it just as I have.


I lost a friend yesterday, in a irredeemable way. That is to say, I have no intention of wanting to repair this friendship. I went through a kind of... slew of emotions about it at first, not really knowing if I was happy or angry about all that happened.

That evening, a friend of mine called. He's currently going through a very difficult custody case over his son, so we had a long heart-to-heart, and I ended up telling him what had happened in detail. What he said to me was the defining advice that sorted my head out.



Him:
Okay, so you're angry, or upset. Either one. Why, exactly, are you feeling like that?

Me:
Well, I guess because of wasted time, really.

Him:
Wasted how?

Me:
Well, I wasted time being his friend, and wasted even more time trying to get my other friends, who never really got along with him, to accept and like him too.

Him:
Ah, now that is what you need to remember. Whenever people lose a friend, they go through mourning over that loss... but you need to remember that in your case, you aren't mourning the loss of the friend, but the loss of the time you spent upon them. If in the future you meet him again, and find yourself thinking 'Okay, yeah, now that we're both here, I guess I did kind of miss you', remember that it's not his lack of presence that ever made you feel like there was a gap in your life, merely that gap left by the wasting of your time. Next time, you'll be more careful.





After running the words over in my head, I realised he was right.

This might not be the case for every lost friendship, but it certainly is for this one. After talking more with him, and with Jenn, I realised that neither me nor most of my close friends will really be hugely affected by this. We've still all got each other, and that will never change. THAT is what is important, and THAT is why, despite my lost time, I don't regret or mourn what has happened anymore.


Another good friend gave me this little tidbit of advice today:

Cutting the dead wood off the tree doesn't kill the tree... It just makes it stronger. More beautiful. With more room to grow.




The friends I do still have I wouldn't trade for the world. I love you guys <3


I hope this advice hits home with some of you. DFTBA <3

  • Mood: Compassion
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:iconkey-to-darkness:
key-to-darkness Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2011
I lost someone who I thought was a sister, like a soul mate to me about a year ago... Every day I think about her... But not in a bad way. I came to realize over time, as I'm sure you will too, that I am so much happier now... My life is just so much better. I don't regret it at all. Sometimes you have to end beautiful things to bring about the more beautiful things in life.
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:iconacinarret:
Acinarret Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2011
That is really good advice, and I think it helps me understand a lot more of the friendships that went sour in the past for me too. I didn't miss the person, so much as all the years I could have spent finding my own path and happier things.

Thank you KellyJane for posting this.
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:iconwolvesofzelda:
wolvesofzelda Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2011
i lost a friend who i was with since we where 5. we were like sisters, it feels like i lost a whole side of my family. i cant see them anymore, yet ive been with them for so long. thank you for the advice. and tell your friend thank you for us all.
Reply
:iconkatana987:
Katana987 Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2011  Hobbyist
Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone. It really made me think -hugs-
Reply
:iconspectralpolkadot:
spectralpolkadot Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011
I just had my life completely turned upside down out of the blue from a lost friendship. It hurt me quite a bit and I couldn't figure out why. Thanks a lot for this. It helped immensely and I can now see that I am in a much better much happier place and trimming that person away was just what I needed to bloom. DFTBA indeed : )
Reply
:iconalyssamrsriku:
alyssamrsriku Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011
kelly u just made my day :)
Reply
:icongurlow:
Gurlow Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011
sound words indeed mrs kelly
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:icontruthischaos:
TruthIsChaos Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2011
:O this was EXACTLY what my friend needed. I shall quote you.
Reply
:iconlovelydelusions:
LovelyDelusions Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I needed this, Kelly. Thank you for sharing this.
Reply
:icongir2898:
GIR2898 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011
wow, this make me feel like bullshit. I am the one who thinks 'just wait they will come back' but i always find no matter how long i wait, no matter how much i hope, i am simply the hated little bitch in my grade. I lose more friends than i can usually handle and when i lose a friend another wall keeps me from making more. i am a stubborn ass bitch who just wants the riticule to end, why doesn't anyone see that if i say sometihng stupid or do something of the sort they just don't go making my life a living hell. fuck that thought i have been living in hell since my dad left and married that island whore...sorry, bad year, lost two relatives that were really close and i sometimes rant to random people. if you would please not be pissed at me posting this...
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