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On The Subject of Labels

Fri Dec 9, 2011, 2:06 AM
One of the recurring comments given in my previous journal was "Why do we need to label ourselves at all?", or words to that effect. There are many of you who believe NO-ONE needs a label.

I both agree and disagree.


I agree, because I think you're right that we don't need to define to ourselves what we are by putting a label on it. I shouldn't say to myself "I'm gay. Therefore, I only am attracted to women."  I think that if, in your head, you have a defined, labelled view of what you are, you start conforming yourself around that label. I'm sure many of you have heard stories of men and women who came out, then later admitted to feeling pressured into staying gay because they'd defined themselves as such to so many people. Conforming yourself around a social definition like that cannot be healthy.


But at the same time, I disagree against the idea that we don't need labels in this world at all. We do need them... we just don't need to place extensive meaning in them. They should be used as a face-value, descriptive term only.

Without labels, I could tell you the following about me:
"Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm a person of a certain age from the United Kingdom. I'm in a relationship with another person from the United Kingdom. I have hobbies."

With labels, however, you get a much better, base view of who I am:
"Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm an over-21 white British female. I'm in a same-sex relationship with another white British female. I'm also a cosplayer."

What I wrote in the second example is not there to set a definition for me, or rope me to any particular social standing or group. It exists purely to help others get a better initial view of who and what I am. We give ourselves labels not to put ourselves into the same area as people with matching labels, but to help others with their initial comprehensions of who we are. A wise person would look at those labels, take them in, but also understand that there is more to who you are than the words you place upon yourself.

I use the term "lesbian" not as a rule, but as a base, descriptive term. It helps people get an initial understanding of a facet of my being: I'm not interested in men. Adding the 'in a relationship' term then furthers that to explain another facet of who I am: I'm with someone, and I'm not interested in anyone else.

It's a very base description, and it's flawed, but it gives the bare-bones outline of my love-life and sexuality, for those I wish to know that information. I could, of course, go into more accurate detail of "I'm in a same-sex relationship, but I don't view myself strictly as a lesbian, as I only have attraction to a single person, and honestly believe that if I'd met that same person in a male body, I'd still be attracted to them."

... If someone introduced themselves to me that way, even after having known them for a short while, I'd be rather... flummoxed! Sometimes, it's easier to simplify. If you then want to clarify further, or if someone wants to get to know you better than just on basic labels, then that option is there, and that tends to be the route where friendships are forged as people get to know the true person behind the public labels.




So no, we do not need labels to define who or what we are.
But we do have a use for labels, in helping to create that initial view of what we may be.


Without labels, you'd all be glass-skinned, genderless, cultureless, emotionless blobs to me! I'm happy to know that those who follow me are male, female, trans, gay, straight, bi, pan, old, young, black, white, religious, atheist... even if those labels aren't entirely accurate to who you really are.



</end more ramblings of an ill person>


=======THINGS I LEARNED FROM YOU GUYS=======
If any quotes, thoughts, or words in the responses to this or my previous journal grab my interest, I'll add them here :)

- 'Love is my sexuality'
- "I've tossed around my sexuality for many years and could only come up with one true answer; Homoflexible."
-  "I identify as a straight male, but then I fell for one of my guy friends. ... So if people can't handle that I'm a straight guy in a gay relationship then fuck them"
- " 'Onesexual' is an interesting concept. When I was with my last ex, whom was with me five years, I was genuinely onesexual for her. I found no other women attractive. It's been six months since I was dumped and I'm still having a very hard time finding anyone attractive. So in that vein, becoming onesexual can be a bit of a curse, meh... but at the same time, I've heard that being able to feel that way about someone is a rare gift, so even if I lost her, I'm happy to know I have the capability."
- "Love doesn't need a label. All that really matters is that you're happy."
- "In the eyes of others, I'm a lesbian, or maybe a bisexual, but in my eyes, I'm Alexandrasexual~"

Add a Comment:
 
:iconkatieandbecci:
katieandbecci Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have thought about it and have finally thought of a label to suit me... Nonsexual. I'm not going to give my self a proper label until I know for sure, I just think that why label yourself one way when it could easily change in the future or maybe not! I told my friends and now they suddenly think I'm bisexual and what have you but I'm not - not necessarily. I'm in a opposite sex relationship of nearly 2 years and have only dated boys but like I've said that's not to say it won't all change as I get older. So as I have said I'm not gonna label myself as Gay, Straight or Bisexual because I don't know if I'll be that way forever so I am sticking with this one- Nonsexual.
Reply
:iconhoshisamavalmor:
HoshisamaValmor Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2011
this is a subject I am interested in, but when applied to me... I quite honestly do not know what 'label' or 'category' to put myself in. I used to like to think of myself as bisexual female, since I have absolutely nothing against hetero and/or homosexual relationships, or any other sexual relationship. I do consider people should love whomever they want, and that others have nothing to do with it. And I get quite frustrated around people who are extremely close minded regarding that.

However, I believe that was an optimistical view of myself. In reality, I can find a person from both genders attractive, but I simply do not feel sexual interested in any of them. I've never been into a relationship, so I don't even know. I do believe that, if I had to find a realistical label for myself, that would be asexual.

Thanks for bringing up this type of subjects and brainstorming, I think it's important for some people.
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:iconeregelu:
eregelu Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Is it sad that I'm tearing up over all of this? As one of those comments you picked out said, being 'onesexual' can definitely be a curse.
I am a bigender teenager who fell in love with his(today, at least, I'm male) FtM best friend. I'm usually male around him, but I don't really consider that 'gay', because when I'm around him I'm not thinking 'oh, he's male', nor do I look at anyone else when he's around. I've had two girlfriends before, and was mostly female around them. I think it's just me trying to match their intellect and emotional perceptions with my own, not that I am innately homosexual; it is easier to identify on an emotional level with someone of the same gender. But back to the best friend; he's in love with our other friend, who loves him back. They're together now, and he keeps urging me to fall in love with someone else, but that's difficult when you're 'onesexual', when you can only look at one person. He cares enough about me that he says he'll break it off with her if it's hurting me too much, but that just raises the problem of him not being as happy as he could be, which is what I want. Now, then, you have the problem of situational conduct, which in my mind is also very fluid, because there are always a million options that go along with any one thing, and it's hard to successfully label them all, but you need to to make sense of anything. He and I play 'fact' games, where we list everything we can about our situation; 'I love him', 'He loves her', 'She blames herself for all this hurting, so do I, so does he'. Labeling is our way of coping, lately. Labeling situations, but not ourselves. She refuses labels, I embrace them only for confusion's sake (being bigender can be a little confusing without labeling yourself as male or female) but label only gender to keep myself happy, he tends to reject all labels, except that he is male and he wants everyone to understand this. So perhaps the best situation is a mix of fluid and labels?
Reply
:icongable-cat:
GABLE-CAT Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011
its refreshing to hear all of this, from some-one older, wiser and more mature than me, but still going through a similar situation. Thank-you
Reply
:iconnightshadowfall:
nightshadowfall Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011
The quotes are lovely
Reply
:iconbeansproutte:
Beansproutte Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2011
I have a quick question. Do you mind if I use content from these last two journals at a Gay Straight Alliance meeting at my school? I know that a lot of people there would really appreciate it and I was really inspired by what you had to say on the subject of labels and sexuality.
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:iconkellyjane:
KellyJane Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Sure! Go right on ahead :)
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:iconbeansproutte:
Beansproutte Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2011
Thanks! :)
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:iconkn101:
KN101 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Dear Kelly,
Hi, my name is Kristina and I am a 16 year old female, and yea, I am Bisexual. I am very confident in that, as I have been since I was 13. I really love the fact that you decided to write about Sexuality. It is a subject that so many people shy away from and I think it needs to get more out in the open. Just yesterday one of my guy friends told me that he might be gay. And while I was excited, because seriously, who doesn't want a gay friend? I thought about how hard it must have been to tell me, and I remembered my experience when I told my friends and family that I was Bi. I agonized over it for weeks and when I finally did end up telling my parents, my mom was cool with it, but only because she's Bi too, and my dad was like, whatever. My friends...well that was harder. I gathered them all together at once and told them, a few of them left and I haven't spoken to them since, and you know what? If they don't care for me, ALL of me, then why was I friends with the in the first place? Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to you because it is really hard to talk about sexuality, especially with all of the controversy about it.
Reply
:icontearasuzuki:
TearaSuzuki Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
I remember being in school (an all female college, mind you) and telling my very openly gay friend (who had just finished telling the table when she figured out she was gay) that I'm straight, but that I found women attractive in an artistic way. Being female, I very much enjoy knowing my body as well as the female body in general, how it looks and how it feels. My friend's reply to this was "so did I!" This shocked me and sent me into a possibly frightened state of confusion, not because I thought that I might be gay, but because of the possibility that maybe I didn't actually know my sexual orientation. I had always figured I was straight and being hit with someone telling me that maybe I wasn't was very confusing. I spent the next few years of my life ironing this out. I haven't thought of a specific label yet, but I'm straight, I find men very sexually attractive, although I know my appreciation for the female well enough that if I ever found a woman that was drop dead gorgeous and that reached me, I could easily love one. Men just take priority. ^^
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:iconwaronreality:
WarOnReality Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've thought pretty much the same about labels, you just defined what I couldn't quite put into words before more clearly. Thank you. ^^
And those quotes are very sweet. I'm glad you actually go through and read your comments enough to pull them out and quote them.
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:iconpyrocupcakehugs:
pyrocupcakehugs Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011   Traditional Artist
Regardless of sex, if you love someone you should pursue that person. .....and no i dont mean chase them around until they love you... And i'm gonna love whoever can catch me off guard and make me blush like an idiot
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:iconnear-tar-awesome:
Near-tar-awesome Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Amen
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:iconpyrocupcakehugs:
pyrocupcakehugs Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2011   Traditional Artist
Ive thought that since i was 11
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:icongroovy-guy:
Groovy-Guy Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
Here here. You really know how to use your words. I posted a similar journal a few years back but it didn't have that same connection as this does. Bravo.
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:iconladyicaria:
LadyIcaria Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
After reading both journals, this topic really got me thinking.

I have been attracted to women since I was 12. But from 16-20 I only dated guys, and those were serious relationships. I cared. Did I love? I thought so. But I didn't really love until I met my Jemma. I tell people I'm a lesbian purely because it is easy...

But Jemmasexual sounds perfect :)
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:iconchild-of-the-tardis:
Child-Of-The-Tardis Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
I do get a bit miffed though with myself because I used to be one of the few girls I know that dresses like a stereotypical gay woman but was actually straight... but you know...
Reply
:iconchild-of-the-tardis:
Child-Of-The-Tardis Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
It feels like this journal was written about me! Only because wrote to Kelly when I was having issues with my sexuality, because from the age of fourteen, after I had gone thorugh the whole "Am I sexually attracted to women?" thing I realised I was straight. And I remained like that until september this year, when I started having feelings for a female friend of mine. When I was around her, I felt happiness that I didn't get from being around my other friends; we always had loads to talk about; we made each other laugh; I missed her so much when she wasn't there; when she wasn't there I was always scanning around the atrium in college trying to find her, even if I knew she was ill; I felt protective of her, which came out a lot when the college creep told me he fancied her and took every opportunity to try and hug her and grope her; I always wanted to spend my time with her, and felt bad when she was off that I couldn't be their to help her out and comfort her.

Suffice to say, I had it big time for her. But none of it was sexual. No woman is physically attractive to me. Two months on, after both of us were waiting for the other one to make a move (Because I didn't want to do anything if she wasn't interested for fear of abandoning my friends if we got together, and she (knowing how I felt because I couldn't hide it one day) had been waiting for two months for me to decide if I ewanted to go out with her. Presumably because although she was openly bi, I had insisted I was straight ad she didn't want to scare me)

Anyway, it turns out that although she fancies men and women, sex isn't really appealing to her at the moment. Which suits me fine. While I am starting to come to terms in my mind of the physical side of a gay relationship, it's only her I feel anything for. The thought of other women makes me squirm a bit. But with men, I'm fine. So does that make me bi because I fall in love with both genders, or only bi if the sexual side appeals to me with both?

Here is were Kelly's thing about labels comes in. It would flummox people and probably feel like an insult if I said "This is my girlfriend. But I do still fancy men. But I'm not bi because I don't really want to have sex with her or any other woman. "

So yeah... bi would work for complete strangers, but for close friends, then you explain.

Nice topic for a journal by the way.
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:iconlxwillxlive:
LXwillXlive Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
Well reasoned!
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:icondestinyislandgirl:
destinyislandgirl Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
I think the term Soul Mate should come into play. I personally believe in multiple lives (kinda like reincarnation but not really) and each person has one soul mate that they will love the moment they see them no matter the race, gender, or type. People should love the soul of the person not just the body or attachments. =)
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:iconmister-winchester:
Mister-Winchester Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for posting all of this. Its made me think. and im not sure what i am but maybe im just Onesexual, i find other women attractive but theres only one i really have my eye on. It may be pansexual but i dont really know what that means.
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:iconpopcorn-cloud:
popcorn-cloud Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
I agree 100%...

It's true we don't necessarily need labels, because the way people sometimes labels, well... you can get the wrong picture. Still without labels, how would we be able to define things as well? Labels help, but don't take everything for granted. It's a bit like instructions really, they are there to help, however there are often better solutions or in many cases different solutions, you don't necessarily have to think one-way.
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:icondark-knight-thor:
dark-knight-thor Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011
At the end of the day, we're still people and we still love other people. Does it matter who we or those other people are?
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:icondarkladyshadow:
DarkLadyShadow Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Student Artist
it doesn't matter what people's sexualities are, we're all people and that's the only thing that matters
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:iconrosebudstar:
Rosebudstar Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Student General Artist
Like I said on your last journal, I believe that sexuality is fluid and can change. I see labels as tools for explaining how you feel now. If there's a box with christmas lights in it labeled 'lights', you should probably relabel the box 'ornaments' when you put ornaments in it. I've seen people become very commited to their label only to experience a shift in their sexual orientation, and it caused emotional issues that would not have happened had they not been so sure of their label.
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:iconelimaygq:
EliMayGQ Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm a transgender female to male that is asexual but pan/polyamorous. People question why I am that way, but if they walked in my shoes, then they'd learn for themselves. I don't question what my heart gives me, but I will learn from whatever experiences life will throw me.
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:iconsebastianscreed:
SebastiansCreed Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
These things help me figure myself out :I

That is all.
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:iconfurryordancingflamer:
furryordancingflamer Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I am a genderfluid person who finds themself attracted to females, but I don't find the need to label myself as anything. I can't be 'gay' or 'lesbian' or 'straight' if I don't identify as male or female. So I'm just queer. In both senses of the word. I'm strange.
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:iconcatnipkinesis:
catnipKinesis Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
These journals and polls are so helpful. You do such a good job explaining.....
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:iconlostoutatsea:
lostoutatsea Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011
[link]

Thank you so much for posting polls/journals about this topic. You and Jenn were the first people I started watching, and I knew that I'd get a lot of great things out of it, but I never imagined you would play a part in my finding an answer to a question I've been struggling with for almost four years. I'm very grateful for it. :)
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:iconswampfire:
swampfire Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You know, I used to label myself as asexual, but then I realized that I was bisexual (long story). I also was struggling with transitioning from being Catholic to being a mix of Christian and Wiccan. I've been really struggling with labels lately because I thought "What if I change my mind again? Should I answer that I'm not confident?" But this journal has made me realize that it's ok to call myself a bisexual Christian-Wiccan, which I'm confident of right now, and it's also ok to change that at any time if I learn something else new about myself. I'm confident that I am what I am, but if I ever think differently, then I will be confident in that too, so thank you.
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:iconakurokuinmydreams:
AkuRokuInMyDreams Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011
Homoflexible. Made my day. My new favourite word.
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:iconbloodassoftassilk:
bloodassoftassilk Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
homoflexiable! Thats the label my sister gives me. I couldn't think of the word for it yesterday for lack of sleep so i said homosexual with curiosity about men. I think homoflexable is the term im most comfortable with, since it defines me just a little but also gives me a choice.
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:iconinsanesanity813:
InsaneSanity813 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
How creative, I like that~
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:iconsikadair:
SikaDair Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
Awh yeah you did like my term! :D
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:iconfaxen:
Faxen Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
i totally agree. I really don't like how people say things like "destroy all labels" because some labels really paint the picture to a clearer version of you, they just don't solely define you.
Reply
:iconjadethefirefox:
Jadethefirefox Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ah i undstand now
Reply
:iconmidnightsdeath:
MidnightsDeath Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I was completly straight until I met my best friend Rachel, and now I have met this girl who makes me feel like I have never felt before. Only problem is she is unsure of her sexuality and she doesn't feel the same way. :( There is also a guy who says he has fallen in love with me, but I don't feel the same way.
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:icontanukihero:
TanukiHero Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
I wish that YOU were my Sex Ed teacher. With her EVERYTHING is black and white. You're this and you do this or you're that and you do that an never the two shall meet. You're not like that. You get that love and attraction aren't things that you can necessarily define. :heart:
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:iconrandomfangirl214:
RandomFangirl214 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
Every one of your journals are just so inspirational to me. They are just amazing. But I must say, these past couple ones on sexuality have been the most inspiring. <3 you like a fangirl in a not scary way xD
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:iconcosmic-castaway:
Cosmic-Castaway Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
All I could think about while reading this was the Anthropological Theories class I took my semester prior to graduating, and how so many anthropologists believe(d) that just about everything humans give meaning to is a symbol imbedded in our own culture. Symbols give us a way to identify with others and feel a sense of belonging, therefore encouraging us to cooperate and get along. How we see things is only a representation of what that thing actually is, and individuals of different cultures are brought together by believing in similar things. All theory, but it makes sense.

I believe that labeling one's sexuality, and labels for people in general, are quite sociocultural in North America and (it seems also) the United Kingdom, among other geographical areas I won't name since I'm not educated enough about them on the topic :P As you mentioned, labels have a good, practical use- they allow us to draw conclusions about ourselves and one another, and make us feel as if we fit into a certain group. It is social pressure that makes us so reluctant to change those labels, should we ourselves change, especially if the label we gave ourselves (like a sexuality) is something widely believed to be set in stone.

I think politics play a large in this, especially right now. It is generally accepted in secular society that one is born homosexual, bisexual, trans, etc, that this is healthy and normal and something no person can, or should try to, change. It's a good argument for LGBT rights, and there has been scientific research done to back it up. All of that flies right out the window, though, when "sexuality is fluid" comes into the picture, suggesting it IS possible to be straight now, gay later, straight again, bi next Tuesday, etc.

That's why I think it's scary for someone who has already come out as homosexual to admit they're having doubts. It can be like coming out as gay all over again- yourself *and* other people will question your identity, and you may even lose some of the people you care about in the process. If you've become a part of the gay community, and found solidarity and acceptance there, it can be even scarier. You could be judged as being a "fake gay," otherwise, your newfound feelings de-legitimize the whole "born gay, always gay" argument that is so important to fighting for equal rights at the moment. Your coming out as something else could be a threat to your loved ones' own belief systems and way of life, and people can become extremely hostile when that happens... especially if the presumed threat comes from within.

I personally think the argument itself should change. The question shouldn't be whether a person's sexuality is permanent, genetic, or what-not... it should be that regardless of a person's partner's sex, or whatever sex you prefer at whatever given time, you should be granted the same rights and responsibilities as anyone else within your country, state, community, etc. Who you fall in love with, choose to sleep with, co-habit with, want to marry, start a family with, etc should be no one's concern but yours and your partner's. Unfortunately, plenty of people still seem to see LGBT equality as a threat, and it all goes back to fear and intolerance related to belief systems :/

Also, I'm flattered (and pleasantly surprised!) that you found one of my comments interesting enough to point out. Your last couple journals/polls have been quite thought provoking. Thank you for stimulating such an interesting conversation, I enjoyed reading what everybody else had to say.
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:iconrizafan203:
Rizafan203 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You hit the nail on the head about the differing examples of how to express yourself in the way of almost labeling/describing yourself to a complete stranger. I know myself if someone wanted to know about myself, I'm a general easy going person. With an affinity for dressing up like a fictional game/ Anime character as well as an overgrown stuffed animal because that's just how I am. There are many kind of labels that can be tacked onto one person, but in the end, we're all just who we are.

Onesexual or any other kind of sexual, doesn't matter. We're all still human, even if some of us may see ourselves as not human at times XD
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:iconfortheloveofcookies:
FoRtheLoVeofCooKieS Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
I love your journals :']
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:iconskullsandstripes:
SkullsAndStripes Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
I understand the labels used to identify oneself, like age, gender, religion, career, hobbies and such. Without those, it'd be pretty difficult to give info on ourselves, however I will never throw a label at a person ignorantly. For example, my friend considers herself goth but before knowing her I wouldn't call her that, because it's wrong to assume that a clothing style/trend = her lifestyle. I have had many people ask me "what are you, goth or something?" or "what are you a punk?" and I kind of just roll my eyes and say "just because I enjoy _____ doesn't make me _____ (fill in the blank)" etc, etc. I find it ignorant and wrong to thrust labels upon individuals without getting to know them first. If you consider yourself goth, that's great! If you think you're a hipster, that's ok by me. I'm just not the type to toss labels like those around, heck I can't even come to call my friend goth even though she considers herself it, I've just broken myself of labels that much. Of course there will always be stereotypes and it will always be hard to avoid people labeling you, they best thing to do is to just shrug, smile, and go on your way.

But these are just my views =3
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:icongrellbastcell:
Grellbastcell Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
At the moment, because I just got out of a relationship, I am in love with my cats and my dog. I don't think there's a label for that XD
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:iconamaya-zorifuki:
Amaya-Zorifuki Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
Yeah, I get what you're saying. I've chosen my own labels and have been way happier than when people forced labels on me.

As far as sexuality goes, love is love is love. But in my case, it's when you don't feel the need fall in love where you're the weird one. Oddly enough I'm actually satisfied with that.
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:iconcuriousstraydog:
CuriousStraydog Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This has been fun for me to read and think about! It's not something that I normally think much about when I'm not prompted to do so. I do agree with you as well, we do need labels to define us, but we just shouldn't dive too deeply into what that label means. In all honesty, when I do fall in love, maybe then I'll label myself, but obviously, I don't know who that's going to be with! XP
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:iconsisterofscarletdevil:
SisterOfScarletDevil Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Exactly. I'm still trying to define who I am sexuality wise. But I'm really not in any kind of rush, even if I am 16. I haven't found the 'right' one yet but it's okay with me. When they come along, guy or girl, hopefully I'll be ready for them =)
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:iconmiasaurusrex90:
MiasaurusRex90 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
I've never really labeled myself as anything, I am far more attracted to other women than I am men, but sometimes I am attracted to men. Which makes me believe that love is love no matter what gender you are, and I have been told there are five different genders. I am engaged to the most amazing women I have ever met, and I fell for her the first time we talked, all of the quirks that I have she has never found them weird, nor has she thought that the odd noises that I happen to make on a daily basis are in fact odd. She has accepted me for who I am from the very beginning and has never tried to change a single thing about me. I don't know about everywhere in the world, but where I have grown up in the U.S, everyone is so much more concerned about judging others, and trying to change them so that they fit in that they really do not realize that one of the best things you could have in your life is to be accepted for who you are, and when I say that, I mean everything that makes up you. Your interests, your hobbies, the overwhelming excitement that you just cannot contain over possibly the simplest thing, like a children's toy that just happens to be a talking dinosaur. Even accepting the darker parts of yourself that you may be ashamed of, like being jealous about something, or maybe you have a bit of a quick temper, or maybe when you get really stressed you get snappy with others for no reason. If that person accepts you for all of those things and loves you for it, and you are able to do the same in return, then gender isn't really an issue, neither is how you label your sexuality. I have never actually went up to any of my friends and stated "Hey I am a lesbian" instead because they know who I am, they themselves have place that label on me, which is fine with me, if it makes it easier for them to label me for that instant and then be able for all of us to move forward with their lives, then I see no problem with it.
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:iconaleiki:
Aleiki Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
I've started identifying as a pan- and demisexual, because the people I've been attracted to didn't seem to follow any kind of gender pattern, and demi because I'm not sexually attracted to people at all without having an emotional connection to them.

But all sexuality is is a label. It is, as you say, something to identify yourself: it's not a statistic or a SCIENCE FACT, it is just what you feel comfortable calling yourself. One of the quotes mentioned being a straight guy attracted to another guy. A lot of people would start calling him gay or bi but if he says he's straight then he's straight!

Honestly so many people I've talked to about this who have given a lot of thought have told me the same thing. No one else can tell you what sexuality you are. If you want to take a test or slap yourself on the Kinsey scale to see how you fare so you can figure out out, then go ahead. Having a label sometimes helps you understand yourself better too. But in the end it's just what you feel like.
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